Lacking In Substance

Normally I consider these sort of things utterly useless and irritating, but fuck me, I'm bored. So I apologise for lowering the tone of this blog, but at least you get to know a wee bit more about the exciting life I lead. Or something.

A

- Available: Depends who's asking.

- Age: Eighteen.

- Animal: I own a pointless doggie called Archie.

B

- Beer: Only when played by Reel Big Fish.

- Birthday: Twelfth Night of December

- Best Friend: Jazzipants

- Body Part on opposite sex: Neck/Back/Shoulders/Hair

- Best feeling in the world: is probably chemically induced.

- Blind or Deaf: Neither at the moment, but that could change.

- Best weather: Tempestuous stormyness.

- Been in Love: Too often.

- Been on stage: After five years of Leeds Youth Opera I should bloody well hope so.

- Believe in Magic: Depends if I'm being cynicRosa or romanticRosa.

- Believe in Santa: Um, no.

C

- Candy: is called sweets and chocolate in England. Or confectionary if one is being pretentious.

- Color: is spelt COLOUR.

- Chocolate/Vanilla: Chocolate x100million.

- Chinese/Mexican Food: Both please.

- Cake or pie: Depends what kind.

- Continent to visit: All of them. Stupid bloody question.

- Cheese: makes everything taste better. Within reason.

D

- Day or Night: A healthy mixture.

- Dancing in the rain: requires singing in the rain to make it a complete experience.

E

- Eyes: Grey/Blue

- Ever failed a class: We don't "fail classes" here. BECAUSE WE'RE ALL GENII.

F

- First thoughts waking up: "Today would be a good day to spend in bed."

- Food: is one of my favourite hobbies.

G

- Greatest Fear: Mediocrity.

- Goals: Win.

- Get along with your parents? Why is this one in question form rather than the colon pattern we've had thus far?

H

- Hair Color: Originally light blonde, which turned to dirty blonde, which I dyed to whiteblonde which I got bored of and then dyed it red which came out pinkish and has now faded to a gingery strawberry blonde.

- Happy: Clappy. Rhyming is fun.

- Holiday: Moliday. That doesn't work...

I

- Ice Cream: is not that great, but Ben & Jerry's straight from the tub is nom-worthy.

J

- Jewellery: I'm never without the little, black & silver ring on my left index finger, the rainbow band around my left wrist or the giant, bulbous, silver ring on my right middle finger. I also always wear a necklace of some kind or I feel utterly lost and nekkid.

- Job: ...got fired.

K

- Kids: Not right now, thank you. Maybe I'll be hungry later though.

- Kickboxing or karate: Either one would kick my ass very easily.

- Keep a journal?: Of a sort.

L

- Love: vincit omnia.

- Letter: I would like to bring back the letter as a form of communication.

M

- Milk flavor: FLAVOUR, goddamnit! Also, milk shouldn't have flavours. Unless you count semi-skimmed as a flavour.

- Movies: Ruining the book since 1920.

- Motion sickness: In cars and coaches, unfortunately yes.

- McD’s or BK: Shut up. Just shutthefuckup.

N

- Number: One. I'm number one.

O

- One wish: MORE WISHES, MOTHERFUCKER.

P

- Perfect Pizza: One without a base and a few hundred toppings.

- Pepsi or coke: They taste no different.

Q

- Quail: Is that honestly the only thing you could think of for Q?

R

- Reason to cry: I don't need one, pansy that I am.

- Reality TV: No.

- Radio Station: Radio Four and Classic FM.

S

- Song: Currently very much lovin' Poison's Talk Dirty To Me.

- Shoe size: 4/5.

- Salad Dressing: Olive oil & balsamic vinegar.

- Sushi: Mmhm, especially in Yo! Sushi.

- Skinny dipped? Oui.

- Strawberries/Blueberries: Strawberries.

T

- Tattoos: Soon.

- Time for bed: Generally around midnight.

- Thunderstorms: See "Best weather".

U

- Unpredictable: What? What's unpredictable? You can't even start a witticism with the word "unpredictable".

V

- Vacation spot(s): You have now asked me the same question three times, worded differently. And it's a holiday, not a vacation.

W

- Weakness: Things that taste good, which includes food, alcohol and some people...

- Who makes you laugh the most: Myself. Or Ed Byrne.

- Worst Weather? Pathetic, mizzling rain.

X

- X-Rays: You're an x-ray. That's right, I went there.

Y

-Year it is now: Depends what calendar you go by. For me it's 2009.

-Yellow: Mellow. Fuck yes, the rhyming made a comeback!

Z

- Zoo animals: Don't feed them.

As you can probably tell, I have an unfortunate malady where I believe I am amusing. Sorry about that.

I'll get back to posting stuff of substance soon, I promise.

Ruth

I have a friend that I don't understand at all. She's perfectly intelligent and sane and fairly normal. But she believes in God. That's an understatement; she's devoted her life (at the age of eighteen) to the Christian religion. It strikes me as utterly bizarre that rational, logical people would believe in something so perfectly ridiculous, let alone decide to go to "Discipleship Training School" in their gap year.

She sent her friends a Facebook message recently, as an update on what was going on at this DTS thing. I'd like to draw attention to a small part of it:

"On the table were small welcome packs with crisps, sweets, washing powder and tokens, and a mug. Each of us also got a card from our school staff. Mine served as a confirmation from God that I’m meant to be here as it had the word ‘Breathe’ on the front. I don’t think it was a coincidence that that is the name of the student group at my church!"

This scares the shit out of me.

   Religious people are so sure of themselves. Or they seem to be, because they are so sure of God. They think things are "meant", and that unswerving trust in things unknown is a good thing. They see the good in everything and everyone and never stop being happy. They only get happier when things turn out right, and rely on their faith to get them through when things go wrong.

   I wish I had that kind of blind faith in something. Somebody. Anyone. Anything. But I am a cynic in romantic clothing - or vice versa; I can't tell yet. I doubt first and ask questions immediately. Trust has to be earned, it is not the default.

   All this means I am rarely fooled and seldom content.

Wake Up Slow

"When the whole world fits inside of your arms,

do we really need to pay attention to the alarms?"

~ Banana Pancakes - Jack Johnson

I should be working.

But instead I'm Photoshopping pictures I took of my sleeping girlfriend on New Year's Day and desperately hoping that by the time my next lot of exams come around we'll have worked out how we're going to get through our gap year, without compromising our relationship or our respective travel plans. I can survive without everyone else. Sure, I'll miss them - a lot, actually - but I can live without them. I can't live without her.

"I'll love you like the stars above

  I'll love you 'till I die..."

~ Romeo & Juliet - Dire Straits

Bah, Humbug

Ah, Christmas: the lights, the laughter, the presents and - most importantly, in my opinion - the food. Suddenly, however, the joys of the festive season seem to be sullied with a bad case of Scrooge-itis. Everything and everyone seems to be against Christmas these days. People complaining about everything from when the Christmas lights go up (“It’s still 3 days ‘till Christmas, why are they putting them up so early?!”) to the social etiquette of gift-buying (“Well she’s in my Psychology class, and she once lent me a pen; maybe I should buy her something.”). Not to mention the plethora of idiots who whine about the fact Christmas stock arrives in shops so early, and then whine about the fact they don’t have enough time to do all their Christmas shopping.

Christmas-loathing also extends to those dreading having to be nice to long-lost relations (“My, haven’t you grown?” “Yes, Great-Auntie Muriel, I have, because last time you saw I was young enough to be wearing elephant-pattern leggings and not be making a fashion statement.”), and to those who have decided Christmas is simply over-commercialised (“Dude, by buying people presents and spreading the love, you’re totally conforming to our capitalist society.” Right, well I won’t be buying one for you then.).

And, of course, accompanying all this are the manic cries of political correctness gone mad, as supposedly “open-minded” people call for Christmas to be abolished, or at least made less Christianity-orientated. Now I’m no supporter of Christianity – or religion at all for that matter – but last time I checked, Christmas was a Christian holiday. Correct me if I’m wrong, but doesn’t that sort of give it the right to be Christianity-orientated?

Political correctness isn’t the only current issue rallying against the season to be jolly; global warming has also decided to put a damper on the Christmas spirit – literally. This year, even the most optimistic among us aren’t dreaming of a white Christmas. It’s more likely to be a sort of greyish colour, as it is forecast to be the wettest December on record in the UK.

It is for these reasons that it’s highly unfortunate I love Christmas. The completely commercial, overindulgent, ridiculous merriment of it. I love it when the first Coca-Cola advert heralds the start of the festive season, and when Radio One starts playing The Pogues & Kirsty McColl’s ‘Fairytale Of New York’ (best Christmas song ever), when ‘It’s a Wonderful Life’ and ‘Home Alone’ become the only films on TV, and when you buy a 100-pack of cards and realise that won’t be enough. I already have Christmas decorations up in my room – but then again, I never took them down from last year. So apologies to you all, but I, for one, fully intend to be annoyingly happy about the holidays and will be singing Christmas songs as loudly as is humanly possible from now until New Year.

Almost

Lying here without you, I can almost taste your scent

I can reach up

And out

And steal it

Your essence

Your very deepest, darkest essence

Now belongs to me

It is all I can own of you

Here, now

You have me enslaved, ensnared

And I am a willing prisoner

Not for me, however, the cold ball and chain

The heat of our furnace has warped them

Into fine chains of silken-light dreams that settle, glinting,

On my heart

And now, lying here without you, I can almost touch them